In a Braveheart attempt to save the Hall's Meat Plant in Broxburn Alex Salmond has announced that the SNP Scottish Government is to run a campaign to encourage Scots. to eat more Sausages, Haggis and Black Pudding. Mr. Salmond stated that he will go the extra mile to save the plant and he intends to lead from the front by consuming great quantities of these products himself. Today alone in a heroic start to his campaign the first minister in a selfless display of courage and sacrifice displayed his determination to fight for this famous Scottish firm by devouring several plates of sausages and several strings of Black Pudding as well as countless plates of Haggis, all washed down by a family sized bottle of Diet Irn Bru.
He says that he does not expect everyone to match his determination but pleads for effort from all true Scots. This could be his tilt at greatness you never know, it is a fact that he has; even if inadvertently been in training for just such an emergency for several years. Rumours are already circulating to the effect that the Big City Shysters are snapping up shares in the company, such is the First Ministers fame as a man who can make grub disappear as we say here in Scotland "like snaw aff a dyke"
The SNP Scottish Government will be issuing button badges bearing the logos "I'm a Scottish Haggis Hero" " I'm a Scottish Black Pudding Patriot"" and of course "Sausages Are the boys" Mr. Salmond hinted between belches that he could be ready soon to guarantee that these jobs will be safe. It goes without saying that all true patriotic Scots. will be coerced (sorry I meant to say encouraged) to boycott all English meat products.
Remember the cry for Scotland and Halls Meat Factory. "They may take our lives but they will never take oor Scottish Sausages"