THE ROYALS AND THE OLYMPIC GAMES – IF EVER A PAIR DESERVED EACH OTHER.

Prince William. Affectionately known as "Winko Willie" because he is a flying ace to rival Biggles and Budgie the Helicopter has been made a Knight of the Thistle. His ma. Queen Elizabeth of Scotland was so proud of him. It came as a pleasant surprise said his Granda Phil the Greek who is always on the ball, one of yer Royal Greeks remember not one of yer restaurant Greeks. Following the Jubilee and the awarding of more money to the Royals the wee wumman in the corner shop told me "ahm fair bursting wi pride so ah um" she buys her bread now in single slices not loaves but Royal Pride is special right? The Queen's granddaughter Zara Philips has managed just like her ma Princess Ann to battle her way against all the odds to gain an Olympic place in team GB. Talent, breeding and sheer quality will always come to the top.

I can hardly wait to watch the Olympics, wee white sail boats bumping in to each other, folk firing bow na narras, pistol shooting, shove halfpenny, horse jumping, throwing the jodhpurs, guess the illegal drug, Judo with 2 guys locked together for 5 minutes rolling around so you don't know who is who until some wee Chinese guy's heid pops oot the bottom of the other guy's trooser leg, fleecing the tourists and my favourite; the weight lifting; I love it when some big guy lifts a huge weight and tries to push it above his head with straight arms. The bit where his legs wobble and he starts to do the exit waltz, this can last a while as he looks like he's going to manage it and then swings left and right and in and out like a demented jakey doing the highland sword dance, he inevitably has to dive clear like the arse of his costume has caught fire along with his belt which is the same width as a stair carpet and by this time I'm watching from behind the couch. Then everyone on the platform and in the front row of the hall starts wrestling and punching each other to get tae f**k out the road of the massive out of control barbell, that can get me to laugh myself in to a black knot. Bring it on, the weans in my ward of Ferguslie just love the dressage with the big horses doing the military two step with some old wealthy wrinkled granny in the saddle dressed like Buffalo Bill. The wrestling can resemble the County Square Taxi Rank on a Sat. Night which is course the safest place in Paisley to avoid getting the Jail. Remember it's not the winning that counts it's the taking part which reminds me of the American skater called Tanya Thingmy who got her boy friend to break her gold medal rival Nancy Kerrigan's leg. Is she a winner or what? Americans play to win OK?