“COME TO THE CABARET” THE snp, 1 LIBDEM AND 1 INDEPENDENT APPEARING REGULARLY AT RENFREW DISTRICT COUNCIL.

October 3 rd. 2013 08.50 am, fortified by strong coffee and an unshakeable belief in our just cause I approach the chamber of Renfrewshire council with trepidation,
a full council meeting is about to start and with it the now commonplace 3 ring Circus provided by the assorted opposition members. The snp, + a single Tory, a malevolent pompous Libdem and an independent who has been practicing all his life for the moment when the actor playing Iago is taken ill and the public announcer asks if anyone in the audience knows the lines. As they assemble opposite my world weary gaze, I momentarily think I have wandered in to a casting session for extras in "Pirates of the Caribbean part 3" there are some rum characters here and no mistake, big bruisers, heavily bearded angry looking deviants, rough hewn and foul spoken and as aggressive and mean as Kilkenny Cats who have been on the gargle all night, and the men folk are every bit as bad.
We settled in for the long haul as the agenda was loaded with dim-witted spurious motions from them designed to waste time and cause the meeting to be chaotic. We have some interesting characters in the opposition benches, not I hasten to add interesting in a nice way but interesting in the way we find impossible to train dogs and members of the 'tinned people for cannibal's society' interesting. All above board never the less and it has to be suffered in the name of democracy, although one sometimes feels that Al Capone had his good points.
The meeting promptly descended in to a rabble of low degree largely orchestrated by the snp, they clearly had a game plan which was to see how far they could push the boundaries of decency and normal behaviour without being locked up and in some cases sectioned. Most spectacular was the orchestrated outburst by Cllr. A Doig ( a difficult man to like ) one can't help but sympathise with his good lady wife Audrey notwithstanding the suspicion that she is able for him. He got himself in to a synthetic rage and leapt to his feet roaring and bawling like a fighting mad drunken navvy, gesticulating with a handful of papers and pointing menacingly in our direction, this went on for some time and; by the time he had twisted himself in to a black knot and then sat down we all had to go for a pee such was the sustained laughter in the chamber. As a side issue I took the trouble of asking my comrades and no one heard a word of his incoherent rant let alone had a clue what he was on about but at least he knackered himself with his efforts and slipped in to a kind of nebulous tranquil state for a while. This behaviour was replicated by other snp brave hearts but their efforts were not as funny or indeed so loud, he is clearly a rising star in the snp.
The other side show at such meetings is now being staged by a couple of old codgers who have been round the block a few times and who now present a most entertaining if sometimes sad diversion for our entertainment, I refer of course to our one Libdem who is a she and our one independent who is a he, a more contrasting couple would be hard to imagine as they fight shoulder to shoulder and gaze devotedly in to each other eyes, it's a mutual admiration society as they face the world together from the furthest pitch out at the very end of the pier. The Libdem is a living legend and the independent isn't but as a team they can raise a chuckle, the former is convinced that she matters and cannot be convinced otherwise while the latter knows that he doesn't matter hence the resentment harboured by both. The independent is indeed so needy and meretricious that he is incapable of speaking without littering his discourse with tortuous quotes and references to great writers, poets and people that he has decided are worthy of his praise. It's a cry for attention and a plea for love. Some rather churlish people have started referring to them as the "Chic and Maidie" of the council with the sexes of the great Scottish comics reversed, a cruel taunt I know but it takes all kinds. This show is well worth a visit and it's free which is most remarkable in Paisley.
Finally a sombre note for you the taxpaying public to mull over, due to the self indulgent antics of this crowd of political clowns this meeting ran for 6.5 hours. Based on my own investigations through the council's finance department we have a ball park figure of £2,000 an hour to hold these meetings, any other council in Scotland would regard 3 hours as a marathon but the snp/Libdem/independent opposition here in Renfrewshire (the Tory does not get involved in this) are happy to see in this case 'which is not unique for Renfrewshire' approximately over £6,000 of your money wasted so that they can indulge in this puerile behaviour. Perhaps some people will feel the urge to ask them why they are doing this.