Thursday, July 18, 2013

HOT NEWS FROM HOLYROOD. BY A SCOTTISH GOVERNMENT REPORTER.

Nautical experts, scientists and my local barber who knows everything are backing a new revolutionary way for bonny Scotland to reclaim its seas around the country's coast, despite the Engurlish bastards claiming them as British. The plan is to excavate muckle big massive areas of the remote highlands (Grannies in "heilan hames" will be offered compulsory purchase by the local council heavies) to create giant underground caverns at huge deepnesses. An enormous pipe will then be inserted in to the sea off the Scottish coast and the other end of the pipe is to be located at the huge excavations where the gallant and dashingly handsome first minister Mr. Alex Salmond snp, resplendent in his genuine Harry Lauder tartan trews with the bottoms neatly tucked in to his fashionable green wellies, the whole ensemble rakishly topped off with hacking jacket and blue bonnet waits patiently to have this other end of the pipe or "outlet" as we engineers call it, inserted in to his mouth or 'gub' as he colloquially refers to it. He has of course been known to use the expression "facial orifice" when he wants to impress with his extensive vocabulary, he insisted on that bit going in.

The theory is according to the experts is that if wee Eck can suck as hard as he can blaw, the water will be shifted in jig time. Rumour has it that the lovable wee spiv has offered to sell the Americans Loch Lomond using the same method. First refusal they say will be offered to a flamboyant chap with hair like a lions mane in a blizzard called Mr. D Trump with options of Edinboro Castle and The Blarney Stone thrown in as a job lot. The pair have set a date to tour the sites chauffeured by a villainous little mountebank with a broken toothed smile like the tin plate on a coffin called wee holy Sooter, honestly! Mr, Alex wants it known that "he can't say fairer than that can he?" He might be on to something here; he's a right wee bugger for this enterprise culture so he is.

With thanks to my anonymous contributor.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't mean to be offensive but do you have some kind of mental health disorder? Your rants paint you as some foaming mouth, swivel-eyed loon with a type of humour more likely found to be expounding fart and bum jokes! Is this REALLY the picture you want to paint of yourself?

Cllr Terry Kelly said...

Anonymous said...Thursday, July 25, 2013 8:02:00 am Delete.

What does it say about the mental health of someone who would post a comment like this? Best to remain anonymous for sure.

Robert Bryce said...

I seem to recall Donald Trump parading Jack McConnell around Trump Towers heralding him as the man that owned Scotland.

I do wonder why Jack was their? Something to do with a golf course perhaps?

Such an inconvenience for your half baked rant?

Go and sit down Terry and I'll make you a nice wee cup of tea :) I'm sure this latest episode will pass shortly.

Cllr Terry Kelly said...

Robert Bryce said...Saturday, July 27, 2013 3:59:00 pm

The democratic decision of the council to deny Trump permission to build the golf course was overturned by Alex Salmond not Jack McConnell.

Are you allergic to the truth?

Robert Bryce said...

McConnell wasn't in Trump towers to compare stamp collections Terry. He was there to do a deal. Intent is just as bad as action.

Now go and sit down and I'll fetch your tablets and a wee glass of water.

Cllr Terry Kelly said...

It's bummer isn't Robert, Salmond shows up himself and Scotland by letting Trump bully him. He did the same when Murdoch told him to jump as well, Souter and Connery didn't bully him they just bought him.

Anonymous said...

Terry - Your blog has to be the most depressing, empty and backward place on the internet. Never again.

Cllr Terry Kelly said...

I write a lot about the snp/separatist/cybernats. That means that there will be much comment that is depressing, empty and backward because of that very subject matter. I tell the truth and that means that racist morons are just that.

Anonymous said...

Who's a racist?

Cllr Terry Kelly said...

Too many people, check the snp for a start.

Dazed And Confused said...

I see that Alex Salmond has been caught out telling lies again...

http://hurryupharry.org/2013/08/11/snp-response-to-criticism/